Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
