i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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