Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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