Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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