You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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