Your dad touched me again.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
