If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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