He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
