hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The Olympian is in my bed
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
