just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
