have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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