We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it's like iHOP with fire
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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