Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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