Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
