I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize