There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize