I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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