I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
