I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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