Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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