Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
