If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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