what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
