probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
