my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
