I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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