i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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