I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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