South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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