my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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