oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
