ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
