Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
