you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
