I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
