The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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