fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
