I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
