I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
