just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize