someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
