Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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