just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
