i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize