Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
