matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You dont lie about slip and slides
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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