If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
