peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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