You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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