Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
