i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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