does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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