I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up under a house in Key West
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
