Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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