we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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