Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.

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(847): View more from Illinois

We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge

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(281): View more from Texas

I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.

(979): View more from Texas

I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night

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(505): View more from New Mexico

It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.

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(720): View more from Colorado

side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40

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