i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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