Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize