He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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