It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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